Wednesday, February 23, 2011


So the outback sucks. its boring and hot, and I'm alone all day. My official job title is "jill-a-roo" but I think that because it basically looks like corpus christi here, but without the redeeming aspect of the beach, I'm leaving.

Actually I already left. I think the guy who hired me is glad. He felt weird having me there. It was awkward. So I'm melbourne bound. Want to guess how I'm getting to melbs? I'm getting halfway there in a semi truck that is hauling cattle.

My driver, Nipper, is quite chatty. This is unfortunate because I have a hard time understanding a word he says. The thick aussie accent, the noise of the semi truck, the radio buzzing...plus I'm known for my great ability to completely zone out and not react until my name is spoken. It's been weird so far and we're only an hour in. My lack of chatty-ness was bothering Nipper at first, but then we drove by a few road workers that he knew and he had great fun looking at all their expressions as they realized a girl was in the truck with him. Nipper was glowing with delight and kept repeating, for the remainder of the 15 minute drive to town where we would get brekky, "They aint used to seein' me with any one much less a woman! A YOUNG woman!" At one point in the middle of nowhere he stopped the truck and grabbed a sledge hammer from the back seat. I immediately assumed he was going to hit me with it and leave my body on the side of the road. Instead he got out and knocked the dirt of the wheels of the truck.

So now I am heading to melbourne, where I have a few friends, some knowledge of my surroundings, and a job offer waiting for me. I am working at another spa doing thai massage again. Wish me luck. The way things have been going I'm going to need it.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Kitchen table, Queensland, AU

So last night I had to cook dinner for myself, my employer, and one of our neighbors who came over to help peter with the cattle.

Our dinner guest was named John and he was very polite and almost shy. He asked me about my travels and revealed he had left Queensland once in his life...to go to Victoria. And he hated it. He has 2 grown sons and revealed to me, after some probing I admit...that the youngest was his favorite.

You might wonder what I, Peter, and old man who's left his home state once in his life might converse about over dinner. Well what do you think 2 cattle farmers talk about? The answer is meat. We had an HOUR AND HALF long discussion about meat. The smartest way to buy meat meat, (Buy a cow in a stock yard and take it to a butcher.) The best way to kill cows and pigs, the best way to prepare the meat for cooking. The Main focus of the conversation on meat was centered around the different kinds of meat we all enjoyed, and the strange meats we had tried. Here is a short list of just some of the different kinds of meat we discussed.

Wild Turkey
Salt water Turtle
Freshwater turtle
Kangaroo (Shout out to Lindsey Mika! they call it "roo")

Mouth watering.

Just to name a few...There were more but I've forgotten.

Monday, February 14, 2011

The Outback

After getting fed up with the hippies I decided to keep my sanity and opt for a change of environment. What could be more different from the coast? The inland country! What's the opposite of a hippy? A cowboy! what's the opposite of vegetarian? Meat for breakfast, lunch and dinner!

I recieved a call on a Sunday offering me a job, so I packed my bags, bought a bus ticket and got the HELL OUT of the byron shire. My bus ride was a fairly eventful one. There were 2 backpackers, 3 aboriginals, 10 cowboys, a blind old man, and a school teacher along for the ride. I sat down near a window and was immediately ousted from my seat. I don't understand why they even assign seats on buses, especially when they are far from full. I wasnt sure if I should sit down again or just wait until all the old people were on. (They are the only ones who feel the intense need to sit in their assigned seats.) A cowboy (wearing wranglers and a stetson) told me to "just sit the hell down, it don't matter." So I sat in the seat across from his so that if someone kicked me out of that seat I could give him an evil look. Unfotunately no one did, and I had to sit opposite this total douche for 14 hours. He tried to make conversation, but I couldnt understand him. Maybe it was the thick aussie accent, maybe he was mildly retarded, I still have no clue. At one point he moved into my seat and tried to kiss me. I immediately jumped back and used my ipod as a shield. A. Gross, B. I don't kiss boys with IQs in the double digits, C. Really? You're not even going to ask my name before you attempt to taste what I had for lunch? What is with Australians? Have they no sense of chivalry, or at the very least timing? After this incident I moved back a few seats. What I didn't realize was the entire back of the bus was reserved for the aboriginals on board. No one said anything to me, but the 2 women were playing musical chairs the whole night and for about an hour and a half one of the women and the guy were literally screaming at each other. "you slept with some one else!" "You can't even afford to buy me trousers!" This all took place between 2 and 5am. At 5am one of them got off the bus, actually fell off the bus, I believe she was drunk, and except for the random cries of the infant the other 2 had, all was quiet. At our morning rest stop I chose to buy an iced coffee, because I HATE meat pies and that was the only thing our breakfast stop served. I sat with the other 2 backpackers. 2 young kids from england. The friendly one was extremely impressed with my ability to sleep on a bus. I explained it was a finely honed skill and if he wanted to improve his bus sleeping ability he should travel asia. When I got to my final destination I was picked up by Mick, my employers friend. Mick dropped me at his house, told me to eat or drink anything I wanted, have a shower, have a nap, and then call him when I'm ready to hang out. I love mick. After some much needed down time I called mick and he told me to meet him at the pub. Only I have the ability to get lost in a town that has 2 streets. After Mick came and found me, I met all of his friends, got hit on by several old dudes (including the pub owner who said I could have a job there any time) and got ridiculously drunk. I believe I danced, sang and screamed "YEAH! OLD SKEWL!" whenever outkast came on.

Then My employer Peter showed up and spent the entire night hitting on a girl from england named sarah and she pretended to hate it and kept asking me how I was going to put up with him. The Next day Peter drove me three hours into the middle of no where and that is where I write from.

Yes folks, I am in the outback of Australia and it looks EXACTLY like south Texas. They have the same kind of tree (different species, but same look: short, stubby, thorny) the same kind of grass (tall, dry, usually brown from lack of rain) absolutely no hills or rain, and many, many cows. There are a few things missing of course...the beach being one of them, but also there's no cell phone reception, no people, and there is a severe lack of entertainment. I have actually started reading the twilight books, and I have to say, so far, I don't get what the big deal is.

I am living in Glenkyree Station with Peter, my employer, coworker, and sole companion. He found me on gumtree (autralian craigslist) after I posted an add offering to be a nanny and requested that I be a housewife instead. I have been hired to clean, cook, and garden. I also feed the chickens, or "chooks" as the aussies say. Peter is an ok guy. He's not a great conversationalist but he tries and that's what's important. So far I have spent 1 entire day cleaning the kitchen. Yes. one day on a kitchen, and I'm not even done. Tomorrow I have to feed him and 2 of our neighbors. I am to make lamb, salad, and cake. I don't know if I can take the pressure.

Friday, February 4, 2011

delightful videos

Here's one of a manly lady boy, dancing barefoot in the streets of bangkok. Please note the amazing body roll and the peace sign the asian with the guitar makes when he thinks I'm taking a photo. (Bangkok Thailand)

Here's one of a Chinese guy singing Ring of Fire. A true cover gem. (Bangkok, Thailand)

Here's me, thinking that I'm getting my pic taken while snorkeling, but really its a video. (Koh Phi Phi, Thailand)

Here are my dutch and aussie and friends being silly at a park near lake titiwangsa. (Kuala lumpur, malaysia)

Some Cute little monkeys up in a tree. (Pulau Tioman, Malaysia)

An old lady showing off on the dance floor...a classic but awesome all the same. (Somewhere between Texas And Mexico)

day of healing/rebirthing, The Lotus Temple, NSW

I would like to inform my faithful readers that sadly, this will most likely be the last of the Lotus Temple updates. I have been offered work in the outback of aus, and I think I'm going to take it. There will be none of this hippie shit in the outback. I will be living with a cattle farmer, and i will be around rednecks. A different kind of place, a different kind of people, a different kind of story.

I walked into the day of healing with huge expectations. I expected to have to walk through a wall of sage smoke into a room and be stripped naked. I thought that crystals would be placed on all my chakras and then hari krishnas would dance around me while chanting. I wanted them to throw holy water in my face and then force me into the center of a five man group hug. This was not what I got.

The day started with guided meditation. It was a meditation designed to remove blockages to abundance. Basically we all had to hold hands for an hour while the woman leading it said things like, "And now the golden light of love is moving out from your heart, through the rest of your body, and into the world." I watched in amusement as my fellow beings sank into a state of deep concentration. There was a 12 year old boy there who kept looking around the room with utter disdain. I couldnt help but laugh. The day was basically a series of guided meditations and various "spiritual gurus" talking about how great they are and trying to sell me necklaces made out of shells for $75. I'm sorry but no. The titles of each meditation were as follows...
1. Guide to abundance and overcoming blockages
2. Balancing the masculine and feminine energies within
3. Twin dragons; Soulmate and twin flame awakening

these were the only ones i participated in. I couldn't take it any more and hitched to the beach for a skinny dip. (being around hippies does have its advantages, public nudity is always encouraged.) And I returned back just in time to have my soul channeled. The woman channeling my soul kept looking at my right ear. She would sometimes twitch and sometimes put her hand on my heart. She told me that I have a very pure heart and can follow signs that are brought to me by animals. She did an incantation to make it easier for me to recognize signs. She told me I am going to study (I applied for grad school, so kudos to her) That I'm worried about money, (well, duh, who isnt?) and that I'm going to meet my soul mate soon (sweet! Heres to hoping shes right...) She told me my goal in this life is to always travel, even metaphysically, and that i'll never stop. She said that I am very protected, and I am always safe. She said I have no fear, and that I am always home, no matter where I am.

So I liked the soul channeling. She told me things I wanted hear.

THen I was given the opportunity to get rebirthed. Rebirthing is basically just breathing with your eyes closed for 2 hours while someone watches you and tells you to breathe deeper and faster. The concept of rebirthing is that you are born with a totally clean slate, and the moment you enter the world you absorb the energies and ideas of those around you. You age and die because you keep absorbing and never clear your slate again. Some people have birth trauma...c section babies are afraid of getting stabbed, other babies are born all drugged up. Almost every one said that when they were rebirthing they felt a squeeze around their head, neck, and shoulders. This completely grossed me out. Who the hell wants to relive that? According to the teachings of the great Leonard Orr you are supposed to have 10 rebirthing sessions to work through your "birth trauma" and clear your energy. Relive squeezing through a vaginal canal 10 times?! pass. So after we are all reborn, Leonard gathers us all together and we all go through this 3 page long thing of mantras. one person stands and reads, and then we all say it back to them in the second person. example: "I have conquered the death urge. My family has conquered the death urge." group-"You have conquered the death urge, your family has conquered the death urge."

Now you may be asking yourself, "conquer death? Get rebirthed 10 times and I don't die?" That's right! These people will claim they have met with people who are more than 9000 years old, living in their original bodies. They also claim to have studied and mastered the elements of earth, air, fire, water, and the mind. Meaning they think they have magical powers. Leonard Orr told the group he was currently in the middle stages of learning to fly. No contraption, no tricks...just human flight.

I did some research and rebirthing is actually a christian invention. A group of christians felt that they were reborn, not through baptism of water, but baptism of breath. They believed that God sent them the breath of life. idk. I've already been reborn, and I didn't water or air for the process.