Thursday, October 20, 2011

Sheer boredom

So I should be doing research for my essay but instead I'm looking up words in the urban dictionary. Being the narcisist that I am, of course I looked at my name first. Here is the definition I find most fitting of "Jessie."

Jessie 91 up, 36 down

Jessie is a sex goddess. Boys and Girls bow down to her feet as she passes. If she speaks to you, you will be blessed for life.

She is sex on legs and a genius on two feet all in one. everyone wants a piece of Jessie, but only one man can look into her eyes and see the true sensitive, wise, selfless person she is inside. Many men just see Jessie and want to fuck her, but Jessie's man sees so much more.
Jessie is Hebrew for "gift" because the holy Almighty put her on this planet not only as eye candy for the rest of the pitiful simpletons, but also to bring peace and love to the planet.
You will not believe it, but Jessie spoke to me today. Her words were like a song to my ears.
The funniest one is number 7. Its about stardust and flames. Pretty good stuff.

So being a student again I've reverted right back to my old ways of procrastination and stress.  My study foods have changed though.  It used to be triscuts and cheese or microwave chicken. Now its tuc crackers and whatever spread is on sale, or tea and biscuits.  Either way I'm probably getting fatter as I type. 

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Letter to "the man"

Dear Royal Bank of Scotland,
I have a few suggestions for improving the customer service of your business.  I hope that you are able to take a few moments to hear some simple, cost effective, efficient solutions to a few major issues affecting both your bank employees and the customers whom you serve.

Firstly, I would just like to inform you that you either have trained monkey's, idiot savants, or robots (sans artificial intelligence) working in all of your bank branches.  I understand why proof of address and proof of ID are necessary.  I'm even willing to jump through a few hoops to provide you with a few different ways to prove who I am and where I live, but the "people" you have working for you are so terrified?  Stupid? incapable of logic and reason?  That they won't even take a VALID PASSPORT as proof of ID.  I understand that you want to make sure that those of us claiming to be students are actually students, but not having my student ID card, but still presenting you with a) a Visa valid for 2 years b)a letter from the University on Uni letterhead and c) A Loan statement from the US and Scottish Governments should be efffing proof enough.

Secondly, stop telling people that they can expect their debit cards in "3-5 buisness days."  I waited 3 weeks for mine, called your bank, had the one that had been delivered cancelled, and had one resent to a bank branch. It has now been about 2 weeks...or 10 buisness days, and still I have received no debit card.  If you had been truthful in the first place then maybe we both could have saved ourselves some time and effort, and I could have used the debit card that showed up 3 days after I cancelled it. 

Finally, please tell people to go online and register for digital banking immediately instead of having them wait for 5 weeks for a letter in the mail that is totally unnecessary because the effing code that we are waiting on is just freaking handed to us during "registration" and then we have to wait another 4 effing months for the registration code to come in the effing snail mail.  EMAIL PEOPLE.  If you're going to let bureaucracy run your life at least do it efficiently.

Please know that if there was another bank in this country that I could use, I would. I will never reccomend your services to anyone I know unless I hate them and want them to suffer needlessly for months on end without access to cash or the ability to pay their own effing rent.

Jessie (a very dissatisfied customer)