Friday, December 16, 2011

Scottish Men

Scottish men have so far been total dip shits.  I am now going to transpose an actual text message conversation that I had with one last night to give an example. 

Our young subjects name is going to be kept confidential, so I will call him D. Ouche.  I met D. Ouche at a friends party and he seemed nice, chatty, and generally ok. After exchanging numbers and receiving a few boring, "sup?" texts, the following conversation transpired on a boozey friday night...

D. Ouche- "What are you doing?"
Me- "Celebrating."
D.Ouche- "I thought you had a party?"
Me- "I did, we are after partying."
D. Ouche- "Oh right so where are you now"
D. Ouche- "No chat then?"
D. Ouche- "you are very quiet"
Me- "I. Im drunk. I'll talk to you later."
D. Ouche- "Really. Where are you?"
D. ouche- "Well you still there?"
D. Ouche- "So where are you?"
Me- "your momz house"
D. Ouche-"What are you talking about?"
Me- "Willis"
D. Ouche- "Yeah willis. So what then?"
D. Ouche- "what are you up to?"
Me- "I'm having tea with your mom. She's got the kettle on."
D. Ouche- "What the hell are you talking about? So you feeling good then?"
D. Ouche- "You still there?"
Me- "Your mom makes a great cuppa."
D. Ouche- "What the fuck are you goinng on about?
D. Ouche-"well"
D. Ouche-"Anything to say?"
Me- "yes. so many things. Manchester. Kernel. Blend."
D. Ouche- "Ok you have lost me? Where are you really?"
me- "Gandolf"
D. Ouche- "can you just tell me"
me- "soup town. soupton."
D. Ouche-"Are you horny?"
D. Ouche-"what"
D. Ouche-"well"
me- "ahhhhhh. dip shits. how do they find me?"
D. Ouche-"what dip shits?"
me- "you know"
D. Ouche- "no I don't know what you mean"
me- "power hour. Shower. tower. glower."
D. Ouche- "Why are you saying weird things? Are you not horny?"
Me- "nnnnnnoooooooiiiooooooooooiiooooooooooooo"
D. Ouche- "How come no then?"
Me- "you're a duck." (side note: I meant to write "dick" but got auto-corrected).
D. Ouche- "You are so quiet."
me- "You are stupid."
D. Ouche- "How am I duck? Why am I stupid?"
D. Ouche-" well are you going to tell me?"
D. Ouche- "Whatever"
me- "you're a liar and you think  i don't know what uoure alla bout."
me- "but i know."
D. Ouche- "haha ok then how am i liar?"
D. Ouche- "what are you saying?"
D. Ouche- " go on explain."
D. Ouche- "what do you know"
D. Ouche- "what"
then I get about 8 more messages of him begging to talk to me. If anything I've learned that the meaner I am to a boy the more he wants me.  I've decided that men are either attracted to crazy women or bitchy women. I'm having a hard time deciding which one i should start being. Crazy might be easier as its my natural inclination until someone pisses me off. I don't think  I'm the right kind of crazy though. I'll experiment and let everyone know what works.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Home Sweet Home

Would it be totally lame if I quoted song lyrics in this blog?  I'm pretty sure it would be lame. I'm not an ironic hipster, and I'm not an artistic poet so I can't really pull it off either way. I'll just say I've been enjoying sleeping at last lately. Their songs are a little bit heavy on similes but otherwise nice and good for the weather we've been experiencing.

I'm super excited about Christmas this year for 2 reasons. 

Reason 1:  IT MIGHT SNOW. It will be my 2nd ever white Christmas. The first was when it snowed in Corpus for the first time in a thousand years and some guy had a stroke of Genius and sold the snow on ebay for $6000 or so.  This time there will be more snow, and it will probably last more than 2 days. 

Reason 2: I WILL BE IN NORTHERN IRELAND.  My delightful friend Arlene invited me to spend Christmas with her in Bally castle, right near the Giants Causeway; which consequently is on my bucket list of places to see.  There's also a night in Belfast in the works as well as possibly meeting some other northern Irish friends. 

Giants Causeway

And now for some serious stuff.

“The foolish person seeks happiness in the distance; the wise person grows it under their feet.” -James Oppenheim

I have moved every three or four months for the past 3 years.  It started as a way to have a little adventure and excitement. I like a change of pace sometimes.  My constant travel quickly became an expensive and ultimately useless coping mechanism. If I didn't like myself, or my life, I'd just walk away and start  over. It has taken me 27 years to realize I can't run away from myself. It doesn't matter where I go.  A new place doesn't make a new me.  In the end I'm just the same girl in a new a country and its just a matter of time (usually about 3 months) before I fall into my same old patterns. Which I hate. I am only just realizing this, though it must be painfully obvious to everyone else. I am here for the next 2 years.  The last  couple of weeks have been exceptionally hard on me because I was beginning to feel the need to get away from myself. But I can't. I have commitments, I have loans!  So I suppose I am either going to have to deal with this-or get exceptionally fat as my other coping mechanism is something I like to call "escapism through cheese and carbs." So I have some work cut out for me.  I'm not going to lie-it feels a bit like hopeless mission. I've never turned down a self made challenge though, and I don't intend to start now. Damn me and my goals.