Pulau Kapas, Malaysia

My adventures in malaysia were a true delight. I decided to go to a muslim country in the middle of ramadan, and then injure myself on a remote island that had nothing but backpackers and restaraunts and dive schools. Then I decided to ignore my injuries and go to even more remote island that had 2 backpackers and 2 restaraunts, none of which served food during the day.

You're familiar with the saying "when in rome, do as the romans do"? well, I had no choice. My injured feet and empty belly allowed me to swim some and "rest" (aka read and play jenga with my friend hanno, who got 3rd degree sunburns and had to hide from the sun. on an island) most of the time.

Toward the end of my stay on this paradise on earth, my feet were healing nicely and to celebrate/mourn the end of our being together, me, hanno, and 2 friends decided that a midnight skinny dip was in order.

We chose to perform this task at a beach down the way from our backpacker, in order to avoid prying eyes. On our way toward our designated spot, we passed a circle of extremely drunk malaysian men around a campfire. "You come! Come drink with us!" "in a minute, on our way back."

The skinny dip was short lived. the boys joyfully streaked into the water before me and the other girl could even take our flip flops off, and they immediately impaled both of their feet on sea urchin spikes.

We decided to drink the pain and embarrassment away with the drunk malaysians. We joined their happy circle. They were drinking rum and coke, which they heated to boiling over their campfire. It was revolting. they left a plastic straw in the cup while it heated so there was a slight taste of chemicals and poison added to the already disgusting beverage. They then proceeded to claim that they knew how to fix the sea urchin wounds. one of them grabbed a large stick and began to beat on the feet of one boy, while another malaysian grabbed some limes and squeezed lime juice into the open, pulvarized wound. There was much merriment. At one point the lady of the establishment came out and told the men to shut up. (I'm pretty sure, they were speaking malaysian.) Then the guy, from what i could gather, told her to piss off. So she left, and then her tiny, skinny, petite malaysian husband came out. He spoke some harsh malay words to his brother and his friends, and then turned his attention to our little group. "Where do you stay?" he politely asked. "Just down the beach at ABC" we politely answer. He becomes enraged. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO HERE?!" "YOU GET THE FUCK OFF MY PROPERTY! I WILL FUCK YOU TONIGHT!"

Upon hearing this last phrase, we decided it was best to vacate the area. We didnt want to get fucked, especially by a tiny asian man with a napoleon complex.