For those of you who have yet to experience a New Age Birthday party, please read the following trusting fully that I'm not making this up, and all of these are indeed- actual truths that I have lived.
After being unceremoniously dumped by my "kind of sort of something" after 3 months, I chose to drown my sorrows in a crowd of strangers. Normally the best way to do this is to go to a bar, drink until you feel brave...or nothing, and then make an ass of yourself. This is NOT the way it happens when your only friends are middle aged hippies and new agers. For me it went something like this...
10pm-arrive at party
1007pm-make friends with a swiss dude who tells me all about the necklace of crystals he's wearing and the effects its having on his life.
1012pm- bond with same dude over being a scorpio
1022pm- a girl joins the conversation and talks about her current relationship and her "path to enlightenment."
1046pm- Girl says her "crystals are calling to me"
1052pm-girl takes my swiss friend away to meditate over some crystals
1053pm- I go for a walk, find a parking lot, and cry over the sad state of my existence. Not only am I newly single without even the courtesy of knowing why, I am now at a party where every one talks about reading energies and then hugs me for too long while moaning and gently rocking me.
1141pm-go back to party . cant face the hippies yet, but I'm cold so i go inside. the upstairs room looks dark and inviting, and best of all-empty.
1143pm-once my eyes adjust to the darkness, i realize i am standing in a room full crystals.. the walls and floor boards are lined with crystals, there are giant crystals arranged symmetrically in the center of the room. the whole thing is lit by a single candle. If I didnt know that these people probably pray and sacrifice innocent vegetables in this room, i'd have thought it was pretty.
1158pm-leave the crystal room and look for my ride home. I've had enough.
1201am-the entire party is walking into a room that is covered in pastel fabric. foolishly I follow them in. The center of the room has a pillar covered in a rainbow of pastels, with more large crystals gathered around its base. The group forms a spiral around the birthday boy and we all join hands.
1206am- people say nice things about the guy in the middle. the guy in the middle says nice things about himself. the chanting begins.
1212am-1234am-the chanting consist of people singing "ooooooommmm" in many different tones and pitches. A few are saying the mans name...It sounds like "ziiiiiiiiiiieeeeee" while 2 women are speaking jibberish in high pitched, sing songy tones. try not to laugh. fail.
1237am-leave the room and wait in the car.
1239pm-hear some guy telling some other guy not to finish his sentence because "we're all psychic anyway"
1243am- Thank Jesus, My family, my country, Obama, and the creators of facebook and poptarts that I made it out alive.
12pm the next day-seriously regret i didnt have a camera to put the event on youtube.
Yeah... glad to say that it has been shut down now. Did they do the "mmmm tsssst" thing as well while you were there, and say the reason for doing it was to "connect with the energy"?
ReplyDelete