The Outback

After getting fed up with the hippies I decided to keep my sanity and opt for a change of environment. What could be more different from the coast? The inland country! What's the opposite of a hippy? A cowboy! what's the opposite of vegetarian? Meat for breakfast, lunch and dinner!

I recieved a call on a Sunday offering me a job, so I packed my bags, bought a bus ticket and got the HELL OUT of the byron shire. My bus ride was a fairly eventful one. There were 2 backpackers, 3 aboriginals, 10 cowboys, a blind old man, and a school teacher along for the ride. I sat down near a window and was immediately ousted from my seat. I don't understand why they even assign seats on buses, especially when they are far from full. I wasnt sure if I should sit down again or just wait until all the old people were on. (They are the only ones who feel the intense need to sit in their assigned seats.) A cowboy (wearing wranglers and a stetson) told me to "just sit the hell down, it don't matter." So I sat in the seat across from his so that if someone kicked me out of that seat I could give him an evil look. Unfotunately no one did, and I had to sit opposite this total douche for 14 hours. He tried to make conversation, but I couldnt understand him. Maybe it was the thick aussie accent, maybe he was mildly retarded, I still have no clue. At one point he moved into my seat and tried to kiss me. I immediately jumped back and used my ipod as a shield. A. Gross, B. I don't kiss boys with IQs in the double digits, C. Really? You're not even going to ask my name before you attempt to taste what I had for lunch? What is with Australians? Have they no sense of chivalry, or at the very least timing? After this incident I moved back a few seats. What I didn't realize was the entire back of the bus was reserved for the aboriginals on board. No one said anything to me, but the 2 women were playing musical chairs the whole night and for about an hour and a half one of the women and the guy were literally screaming at each other. "you slept with some one else!" "You can't even afford to buy me trousers!" This all took place between 2 and 5am. At 5am one of them got off the bus, actually fell off the bus, I believe she was drunk, and except for the random cries of the infant the other 2 had, all was quiet. At our morning rest stop I chose to buy an iced coffee, because I HATE meat pies and that was the only thing our breakfast stop served. I sat with the other 2 backpackers. 2 young kids from england. The friendly one was extremely impressed with my ability to sleep on a bus. I explained it was a finely honed skill and if he wanted to improve his bus sleeping ability he should travel asia. When I got to my final destination I was picked up by Mick, my employers friend. Mick dropped me at his house, told me to eat or drink anything I wanted, have a shower, have a nap, and then call him when I'm ready to hang out. I love mick. After some much needed down time I called mick and he told me to meet him at the pub. Only I have the ability to get lost in a town that has 2 streets. After Mick came and found me, I met all of his friends, got hit on by several old dudes (including the pub owner who said I could have a job there any time) and got ridiculously drunk. I believe I danced, sang and screamed "YEAH! OLD SKEWL!" whenever outkast came on.

Then My employer Peter showed up and spent the entire night hitting on a girl from england named sarah and she pretended to hate it and kept asking me how I was going to put up with him. The Next day Peter drove me three hours into the middle of no where and that is where I write from.

Yes folks, I am in the outback of Australia and it looks EXACTLY like south Texas. They have the same kind of tree (different species, but same look: short, stubby, thorny) the same kind of grass (tall, dry, usually brown from lack of rain) absolutely no hills or rain, and many, many cows. There are a few things missing of course...the beach being one of them, but also there's no cell phone reception, no people, and there is a severe lack of entertainment. I have actually started reading the twilight books, and I have to say, so far, I don't get what the big deal is.


I am living in Glenkyree Station with Peter, my employer, coworker, and sole companion. He found me on gumtree (autralian craigslist) after I posted an add offering to be a nanny and requested that I be a housewife instead. I have been hired to clean, cook, and garden. I also feed the chickens, or "chooks" as the aussies say. Peter is an ok guy. He's not a great conversationalist but he tries and that's what's important. So far I have spent 1 entire day cleaning the kitchen. Yes. one day on a kitchen, and I'm not even done. Tomorrow I have to feed him and 2 of our neighbors. I am to make lamb, salad, and cake. I don't know if I can take the pressure.