Letter to "the man"

Dear Royal Bank of Scotland,
I have a few suggestions for improving the customer service of your business.  I hope that you are able to take a few moments to hear some simple, cost effective, efficient solutions to a few major issues affecting both your bank employees and the customers whom you serve.

Firstly, I would just like to inform you that you either have trained monkey's, idiot savants, or robots (sans artificial intelligence) working in all of your bank branches.  I understand why proof of address and proof of ID are necessary.  I'm even willing to jump through a few hoops to provide you with a few different ways to prove who I am and where I live, but the "people" you have working for you are so terrified?  Stupid? incapable of logic and reason?  That they won't even take a VALID PASSPORT as proof of ID.  I understand that you want to make sure that those of us claiming to be students are actually students, but not having my student ID card, but still presenting you with a) a Visa valid for 2 years b)a letter from the University on Uni letterhead and c) A Loan statement from the US and Scottish Governments should be efffing proof enough.

Secondly, stop telling people that they can expect their debit cards in "3-5 buisness days."  I waited 3 weeks for mine, called your bank, had the one that had been delivered cancelled, and had one resent to a bank branch. It has now been about 2 weeks...or 10 buisness days, and still I have received no debit card.  If you had been truthful in the first place then maybe we both could have saved ourselves some time and effort, and I could have used the debit card that showed up 3 days after I cancelled it. 

Finally, please tell people to go online and register for digital banking immediately instead of having them wait for 5 weeks for a letter in the mail that is totally unnecessary because the effing code that we are waiting on is just freaking handed to us during "registration" and then we have to wait another 4 effing months for the registration code to come in the effing snail mail.  EMAIL PEOPLE.  If you're going to let bureaucracy run your life at least do it efficiently.

Please know that if there was another bank in this country that I could use, I would. I will never reccomend your services to anyone I know unless I hate them and want them to suffer needlessly for months on end without access to cash or the ability to pay their own effing rent.

sincerely,
Jessie (a very dissatisfied customer)

School, life, the works.

For those who are interested in what life is like in Scotland for the American student this will be a thrilling tell-all that is sure to shock and horrify you. Well not horrify, but you'll want to keep reading. For those of you who aren't interested, I'm very sorry you wasted these precious moments of your life, and you should navigate  away from this page immediately.

I will start with school. Student life in Edinburgh is interesting. The Master's program for social work will be difficult, there's a lot of work and self reflection that they are expecting us to do outside of class. Luckily I'm extremely self centered and probably would have done the self reflecting part any way, so that just leaves the 400 hours a week they expect me to spend in my own time thinking about social policies and ethics and research and any other social work term that exists that I don't feel like remembering (can you tell it's going well so far?)  I have been evangelized to three times. Twice by Christians and once by a Hari Krishna. The Christians invited me to a free dinner and discussion, and the other christians gave me a flyer for a free toastie. A toastie is basically a grilled cheese sandwich with other fillings. The Hari Krishna stalked me around the square (the Edinburgh version of the quad) and sang songs to me asking for money.  So the christians, though less forthcoming, win. They offered food and didn't have yellow crap smeared on their faces.  My classmates are great. Many of them very friendly, and many of them around my age. Most Masters students in Europe/UK are much younger, around 21 or 22. Many of them have the option of starting Uni at 16. My program has 67 students most my age or older, about 5 of whom are male.  I am happy to report that I have befriended 4 of the 5 boys.  I didn't even try to make it happen.  One was in my intro group and one sought me out cause he heard I was from Texas. Because there are so few of them they tend to ban together and now I'm in like flint.

My flat is in a great location. I live really near the Uni in a hip part of town, and am really near a neighborhood where there aren't any tourists. There is also a pub with a fun quiz night close by and another pub that specialises in ale.  I have found one cheap and good sandwich place and one cheap and good pizza place.  My mail usually gets delivered, though I have yet to receive my debit card which will enable me to have money and get a phone.  If anyone ever decides to move to the UK please follow this advice- If you ever want to open a bank account or get a contract phone, have 10 forms of photo ID and proof of address that is on official letterhead and signed. Also take with you a blood sample and a book, because you're going to wait in line for about 2 hours and if there is a pathway for them to not give you an account, they will take it.  The paperwork required to do anything in this country is ridiculous. They follow so blindly the rules of the bureaucratic government that all common sense is lost and they shoot themselves in the foot and get nothing done.  Example:  Picking up a parcel from the post. Should you forget your photo ID, you are fucked. It doesn't matter if you can give both your address and the return address on the package, what is in the package, what it looks like and its approximate weight.  You have to walk home, get your passport and walk back. Lots of wasted time and energy for both parties.

I went to a church service. It was very emotional and charismatic. Lots of crying, hysterical laughter, and laying hands on people.  It was basically the same as the American church though. The girl who was the head of the welcome committee was the only person to talk to me, several others gave me shy or suspicious glances. There was one pretty girl everyone was fighting over (silently of course). A few runners up as well. As always there were a couple of guys who were involved in pretty serious bromances with each other.  I'm not going back, it was all a bit much, and all what I'm trying to leave behind me.

I can't think  of anything else. if there's anything anyone wants to know facebook me and I'll get back to you.

Rant about Scotland

I never in a million years thought it would be so effing difficult to give someone my money. Every effing bank in this effing city wants 12 different proofs ID, address, and attendance, and no two banks-even if they are the same company- want the same combination of proof.  I have never in my life been treated so poorly by so many people who are supposedly trying to make money. Except maybe by Golds gym who lied and stole from me. I stood in line from 1130am to 430pm and they basically told me to go fuck myself.

I am so disgusted with this entire process that I'm seriously considering just not getting a bank here in scotland, which consequently means I will also not be getting a cell phone.  I am probably more angry and upset right now than i was throughout the entire ridiculous process of getting my passport and student ID.

I'm in a real pickle. I hate being in America but it turns out I also hate being everywhere else.

scotland and edinburgh

Well, I have arrived at my flat in edinburgh.  I have the smallest room, which is ok because it's basically the size of every room I've ever lived in.  I am taking a break from a decorating/organizing spree because I'm tired and I don't think theres much else I can do until  the daylight hours anyway.  One nice thing/kind of weird thing is the ceilings are really high. I tried to hang something from the window and I had to climb on top of my headboard and onto the window ledge because I was too short to hang it from the bed itself.  It's the first time I've ever had to climb and balance. It was weird, and refreshing. my beds also really uncomfortable. I might try and find a better mattress on gumtree (uk craigslist). It's funny how I was totally fine to sleep on a moldy futon cushion on a cement floor in Australia but in the UK, if it's not a pillowtop its not good enough.
 Well kids, since I'm technically "home" now I'll be more available on skype. Also, I think I'm getting an iphone so we can facetime chat now. 

Random travel story, while this isn't exactly south Texas, I'm still pretty much taller than every person in the country;except maybe the dutch and german tourists. The other day I had to do some online banking so I took my lap top down to the lobby (where the wifi was) and sat at a table that was so small it must be for their guests with school age children.  So I moved to the back, where some normal sized furniture was spotted. As I bent down to place my lap top on the coffee table, I hit my head so hard on the hanging lamp that the crack could be heard in the BACK room of reception. A little employee guy came running out and hand to still the lamp because the spots in my vision still hadn't cleared up. Then as I stood up to leave about 30minutes later I hit my head AGAIN.  This time, instead of rushing over with concern, he looked at me with a mixture of disbelief and disgust from behind the safety of the hotel bar while a man on a cell phone starting laughing hysterically and gesturing for me to come sit with him. I declined and didnt show my face again until breakfast.  The next day at breakfast I had the absolute pleasure of watching two asian girls in full makeup, false eyelashes and stiletto heels included share a hard boiled egg and then not finish it. They then piled onto a bus with 15 other asians and were gone for the day by 8am.

ok I'm tired. Wish me luck every body, I'm kind of nervous about this. My travels before were different, if I hated it I could leave, but I'm stuck here whether i like it or not.

Edinburgh/traveling with dad pt.2

So this will be a quickie, as I have 10 minutes before I have to check out of the Robert Burns Hotel in Portobello and catch a train to Stirling.

First off, Scotland is cold. It definitely feels like Texas winter. I'm pretty excited to see what an actual Scottish winter is like and if I can hack it.  Second, the city of Edinburgh is really pretty. It doesn't feel like home yet, but I think that's because I am staying in a hotel with my dad and sleeping on the floor instead of in my own room with my own stuff.

Traveling with dad this time is different. He argues with practically everything I say and there have definitely been times when I have wanted to punch him in the face.  Any attempt of mine to explain what I mean is thwarted by him interrupting me before I can finish my sentence about how my explanation is wrong as well as my opinion.  That said though, he's paying for everything so in the end I let him think he's won the argument and then convince him to order dessert. This way I win twice and he feels like he's just conceded to dessert. I'm such a clever girl.  We have been focusing on attending as many Fringe festival events as possible because when we get back, it will be over. If you don't know what the fringe festival is, google it. I can't be bothered to explain right now.

Street performers on the royal mile.

So we are heading out today for a quick tour of Scotland, and end up back in Edinburgh on the 10th, when I move into my flat. I'll update more fully then and give everyone the details of my life with the British and going from a lifetime heat and sun to a few years of clouds and cold, wet, weather.

Videos from china

Here is a collection of videos that I took in China. They are posted on fb, but I want to also make sure that I keep them documented on this blog (for when it gets famous and I make heaps of money from being a sarcastic hot mess.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbymfBSIREg   "I won't put it on facebook"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQ-AnQjRbAg  "Why aren't we doing this world wide?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbYvLlOpJo8 amazing stuttering and "It's like ya'll are playing limbo by yourselves."

AMAZING!

So if anyone has the desire to plan a long vacation, or attempt to move overseas for any length of time, or even just apply to a university or job, know that if you need any guidance-any guidance at all, I would like to humbly offer my services as coordinator/planner for all your visa, emigration, and application needs.

I have extraordinary and stellar "mad skillz" if you will. I invite you to read on, so we can explore together what makes me such a top notch choice for director of applications to anything and anywhere.

My first and foremost tip for visa/job/uni applications is to leave everything to the very last minute.  Why get things done ahead of time? Preparation is for little bitches who prefer to feel "relaxed" and "calm" before a big trip or change. They can't handle the "anxiety" and "stress" that leaving everything to the last moment induces. Trust me, you do NOT want to miss out on the pure adrenaline rush of every moment being of vital importance, every move being the difference between a life of adventure in a new place or a life of sheer boredom living with your parents and their various pets. I can honestly tell you that nothing in this world makes you feel more important and in control than going to fed ex, slapping a stack of papers on the counter, and announcing, "I need to get these to New York as soon as possible!"  The magic that you feel when you sign the receipt and watch them drop that package marked "URGENT" into a bin of other packages that are marked "URGENT" is just indescribable.

My second piece of advice would be to have a credit card handy at all times. This little plastic card with it's handy little magnetic strip will be your ticket to successfully leaving everything to the last moment.   Sure you might rack up a massive debt, paying huge sums to overnight things to the east coast, or a foreign country, but that's the American way! What better time to embrace the American culture than before a big trip? When you pay extra to have a package expedited or made "priority" and your paperwork goes through the system with the lightning fast speed that all government employees are known for, the added satisfaction of paying extra in order to get things done in a timely and efficient manner really ices the cake of the experience of filling out endless paperwork.

My final piece of advice is quite possibly my most important.  It is absolutely vital that you at some point lose an important document that takes weeks to replace. The loss of a passport, birth certificate, or government issued loan statement are great examples of things to lose that are difficult to get a hold of again. The most fun thing to do when planning your future is to be totally panicked and frustrated with yourself and the government.  It's incredibly entertaining to spend hours on the internet attempting to locate an address, phone number, or email account in which you can use to get in touch with any one helpful. Did you know that some visa application centers don't have any contact information at all?!  Or that some consulates charge you $12 for a 3 minute phone call in which you received almost zero helpful information?! 

Basically I'm amazing at this. Any one who would disagree is just silly. So feel free to call, write, or text. My services are free of charge, because if you do it my way your going to be paying extra for everything any way. Enjoy!