So if anyone has the desire to plan a long vacation, or attempt to move overseas for any length of time, or even just apply to a university or job, know that if you need any guidance-any guidance at all, I would like to humbly offer my services as coordinator/planner for all your visa, emigration, and application needs.
I have extraordinary and stellar "mad skillz" if you will. I invite you to read on, so we can explore together what makes me such a top notch choice for director of applications to anything and anywhere.
My first and foremost tip for visa/job/uni applications is to leave everything to the very last minute. Why get things done ahead of time? Preparation is for little bitches who prefer to feel "relaxed" and "calm" before a big trip or change. They can't handle the "anxiety" and "stress" that leaving everything to the last moment induces. Trust me, you do NOT want to miss out on the pure adrenaline rush of every moment being of vital importance, every move being the difference between a life of adventure in a new place or a life of sheer boredom living with your parents and their various pets. I can honestly tell you that nothing in this world makes you feel more important and in control than going to fed ex, slapping a stack of papers on the counter, and announcing, "I need to get these to New York as soon as possible!" The magic that you feel when you sign the receipt and watch them drop that package marked "URGENT" into a bin of other packages that are marked "URGENT" is just indescribable.
My second piece of advice would be to have a credit card handy at all times. This little plastic card with it's handy little magnetic strip will be your ticket to successfully leaving everything to the last moment. Sure you might rack up a massive debt, paying huge sums to overnight things to the east coast, or a foreign country, but that's the American way! What better time to embrace the American culture than before a big trip? When you pay extra to have a package expedited or made "priority" and your paperwork goes through the system with the lightning fast speed that all government employees are known for, the added satisfaction of paying extra in order to get things done in a timely and efficient manner really ices the cake of the experience of filling out endless paperwork.
My final piece of advice is quite possibly my most important. It is absolutely vital that you at some point lose an important document that takes weeks to replace. The loss of a passport, birth certificate, or government issued loan statement are great examples of things to lose that are difficult to get a hold of again. The most fun thing to do when planning your future is to be totally panicked and frustrated with yourself and the government. It's incredibly entertaining to spend hours on the internet attempting to locate an address, phone number, or email account in which you can use to get in touch with any one helpful. Did you know that some visa application centers don't have any contact information at all?! Or that some consulates charge you $12 for a 3 minute phone call in which you received almost zero helpful information?!
Basically I'm amazing at this. Any one who would disagree is just silly. So feel free to call, write, or text. My services are free of charge, because if you do it my way your going to be paying extra for everything any way. Enjoy!
I have extraordinary and stellar "mad skillz" if you will. I invite you to read on, so we can explore together what makes me such a top notch choice for director of applications to anything and anywhere.
My first and foremost tip for visa/job/uni applications is to leave everything to the very last minute. Why get things done ahead of time? Preparation is for little bitches who prefer to feel "relaxed" and "calm" before a big trip or change. They can't handle the "anxiety" and "stress" that leaving everything to the last moment induces. Trust me, you do NOT want to miss out on the pure adrenaline rush of every moment being of vital importance, every move being the difference between a life of adventure in a new place or a life of sheer boredom living with your parents and their various pets. I can honestly tell you that nothing in this world makes you feel more important and in control than going to fed ex, slapping a stack of papers on the counter, and announcing, "I need to get these to New York as soon as possible!" The magic that you feel when you sign the receipt and watch them drop that package marked "URGENT" into a bin of other packages that are marked "URGENT" is just indescribable.
My second piece of advice would be to have a credit card handy at all times. This little plastic card with it's handy little magnetic strip will be your ticket to successfully leaving everything to the last moment. Sure you might rack up a massive debt, paying huge sums to overnight things to the east coast, or a foreign country, but that's the American way! What better time to embrace the American culture than before a big trip? When you pay extra to have a package expedited or made "priority" and your paperwork goes through the system with the lightning fast speed that all government employees are known for, the added satisfaction of paying extra in order to get things done in a timely and efficient manner really ices the cake of the experience of filling out endless paperwork.
My final piece of advice is quite possibly my most important. It is absolutely vital that you at some point lose an important document that takes weeks to replace. The loss of a passport, birth certificate, or government issued loan statement are great examples of things to lose that are difficult to get a hold of again. The most fun thing to do when planning your future is to be totally panicked and frustrated with yourself and the government. It's incredibly entertaining to spend hours on the internet attempting to locate an address, phone number, or email account in which you can use to get in touch with any one helpful. Did you know that some visa application centers don't have any contact information at all?! Or that some consulates charge you $12 for a 3 minute phone call in which you received almost zero helpful information?!
Basically I'm amazing at this. Any one who would disagree is just silly. So feel free to call, write, or text. My services are free of charge, because if you do it my way your going to be paying extra for everything any way. Enjoy!
Oh my.. HILARIOUS! Ill keep you on my list of travel planners for sure. Haha
ReplyDeleteThanks Kelley! Cute kids. They look just like you but with blue eyes.
ReplyDelete