Scottish Men

Scottish men have so far been total dip shits.  I am now going to transpose an actual text message conversation that I had with one last night to give an example. 

Our young subjects name is going to be kept confidential, so I will call him D. Ouche.  I met D. Ouche at a friends party and he seemed nice, chatty, and generally ok. After exchanging numbers and receiving a few boring, "sup?" texts, the following conversation transpired on a boozey friday night...

D. Ouche- "What are you doing?"
Me- "Celebrating."
D.Ouche- "I thought you had a party?"
Me- "I did, we are after partying."
D. Ouche- "Oh right so where are you now"
D. Ouche- "No chat then?"
D. Ouche- "you are very quiet"
Me- "I. Im drunk. I'll talk to you later."
D. Ouche- "Really. Where are you?"
D. ouche- "Well you still there?"
D. Ouche- "So where are you?"
Me- "your momz house"
D. Ouche-"What are you talking about?"
Me- "Willis"
D. Ouche- "Yeah willis. So what then?"
D. Ouche- "what are you up to?"
Me- "I'm having tea with your mom. She's got the kettle on."
D. Ouche- "What the hell are you talking about? So you feeling good then?"
D. Ouche- "You still there?"
Me- "Your mom makes a great cuppa."
D. Ouche- "What the fuck are you goinng on about?
D. Ouche-"well"
D. Ouche-"Anything to say?"
Me- "yes. so many things. Manchester. Kernel. Blend."
D. Ouche- "Ok you have lost me? Where are you really?"
me- "Gandolf"
D. Ouche- "can you just tell me"
me- "soup town. soupton."
D. Ouche-"Are you horny?"
D. Ouche-"what"
D. Ouche-"well"
me- "ahhhhhh. dip shits. how do they find me?"
D. Ouche-"what dip shits?"
me- "you know"
D. Ouche- "no I don't know what you mean"
me- "power hour. Shower. tower. glower."
D. Ouche- "Why are you saying weird things? Are you not horny?"
Me- "nnnnnnoooooooiiiooooooooooiiooooooooooooo"
D. Ouche- "How come no then?"
Me- "you're a duck." (side note: I meant to write "dick" but got auto-corrected).
D. Ouche- "You are so quiet."
me- "You are stupid."
D. Ouche- "How am I duck? Why am I stupid?"
D. Ouche-" well are you going to tell me?"
D. Ouche- "Whatever"
me- "you're a liar and you think  i don't know what uoure alla bout."
me- "but i know."
D. Ouche- "haha ok then how am i liar?"
D. Ouche- "what are you saying?"
D. Ouche- " go on explain."
D. Ouche- "what do you know"
D. Ouche- "what"
then I get about 8 more messages of him begging to talk to me. If anything I've learned that the meaner I am to a boy the more he wants me.  I've decided that men are either attracted to crazy women or bitchy women. I'm having a hard time deciding which one i should start being. Crazy might be easier as its my natural inclination until someone pisses me off. I don't think  I'm the right kind of crazy though. I'll experiment and let everyone know what works.